How to Cool Down a Hot Temper

Published: 25th September 2008
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We all have our bad days but some people get agitated more often and with more intensity. A hot temper affects our work and our relationships. We can somehow justify displays of anger in the office but it really hurts the bond between two people. Intimacy is hard to regain after an explosion and no relationship advice is going to erase feelings of hurt.



A relationship entails spending a lot of time together in a closed space. If we are talking about marriage, the bond is even tighter. You and your partner will see each other everyday and deal with life as it comes. No two people are alike or perfectly compatible. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, there will be occasions where you will disagree with one another. Any anger between two lovers can quickly multiply because they both know each other so well. That means knowing each other's weaknesses - a handy tool at the time of an argument.



How can we put the lid on such a temper? Whatever anger management tip you abide by, it has to be a consistent effort. Otherwise pent up anger will release itself one day. If it's you simmering away, then you have to remind yourself that you are facing off with the person you love. Focus on his good qualities and shake your mind off thoughts on his shortcomings. If your partner's the hot tempered one, you'd want him to do the same.



Whenever there is a disagreement or a disappointing situation, try to think logically. Will anger make anything better? Won't a mature discussion be a better solution to the problem? Can you ask him to do something so that you won't stay mad at him? For instance, if he forgot (not for the first time, you tell yourself) to bring the must-have vegetables you had listed, it's better to ask him calmly to go back to the grocer's to bring the forgotten. Later you can tell him that you were disappointed about his carelessness but at that time he comes home, you'll have to do the sensible thing. Or it'll make the whole evening one big fight.



When anger rises in your mind, you can always try the old method of counting down and taking deep breaths. It does work! Anger means energy. You'll find yourself breathing fast and getting all clenched up. But by controlling this physical part of anger, you can relieve yourself mentally. As your breathing becomes regulated and you relax, the strong feelings will slowly dissipate.



One way to cool down a hot temper is to avoid digging up the past for ammunition. When you are upset at something, don't drag in all the times your man disappointed you. This will spin you out of control. If you are angry at him for not taking out the trash, don't yell at him for having too many drinks at a party last year.



When you are angry, sometimes it's better to not say anything. Usually, that first outburst makes things complicated. In the heat of the moment you might end up saying things you don't mean. If you feel you just have to let the energy out, just do something vigorous. Go for a jog, throw some punches at a beanbag or squeeze your pillow hard - anything physical, just as long as you don't become destructive.



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